In order to destigmatize abortion in our communities, we need to talk about it, and I believe many of these conversations must start at home — between parents and children.
The foundations we lay when our children are young pave the way for the development of their ideologies, both good and harmful. Young people deserve factual information on abortion from people who’ve had them. Sometimes that means parents opening up and being honest with their children about their own experiences with family planning.
Actress Michelle Williams — who is currently pregnant and the parent to a teenager — told her abortion story to an audience of millions during her recent Golden Globes speech. She credited her success in life to the fact that she had the right to choose. Williams’ speech resonated with other parents who have had abortions and feel like their right to choose positively impacted their lives in a number of ways.
But how do parents broach this conversation with their children? After having their own abortion talks, these parents want you to know the experience doesn’t have to be difficult, but transformative and strengthening for your relationship. Last names have been withheld for privacy.
Amiya
When Amiya found out she was pregnant six months ago, she immediately knew she would get an abortion. At that point, Amiya’s daughter was 12 years old. The abortion “wasn’t something I really wanted to do, but as a parent, I knew it was something I needed to do,” Amiya told Rewire.News.
In the days leading up to her abortion, she was emotional, which her daughter noticed. “I didn’t want to tell her at first, but I decided I would use it as an opportunity to talk about options,” Amiya said. “I told her I was pregnant, but that I’d be having an abortion, and she looked a bit concerned at first.”
When Amiya asked her daughter if she knew what an abortion was, her daughter said yes and “started crying and hugging me for several minutes.” Amiya apologized, thinking she was upset with her. But her daughter said she understood the reasons behind the choice, and that she wasn’t — and would never be — mad at her for something like that.
“During our conversation, I made it clear that she could always count on me to be in her corner during whatever life throws at her, and that she can always come to me for anything. I think that whole conversation really strengthened our bond as mother and daughter,” Amiya said.
Melissa
Melissa was in an abusive relationship when she discovered she was pregnant in October and chose to get an abortion. She talked about the decision with her 15-year-old daughter.
“When I told my daughter, she started crying and told me how grateful she was that I trusted her with that,” Melissa told Rewire.News. “She feels like she can come to me with anything difficult because of it.”
Her daughter witnessed the abuse Melissa survived, and she completely understood the decision she made. For Melissa, having an abortion gave her back the control of her life that she needed to leave a harmful situation.
Kathi
Kathi hadn’t planned on telling her 10-year-old daughter about her abortions, but the subject came up one day. Kathi’s husband lived with a debilitating health condition that her daughter was concerned may affect any future siblings she might have.
“I hadn’t planned on telling her that young, but she asked and I told her the truth,” Kathi told Rewire.News. The condition wasn’t hereditary, but Kathi wasn’t prepared to have any more children. She had her first abortion while finishing nursing school, and she had her second abortion at a time when she was busy caring for her husband and her daughter, who was a toddler at the time.
“I was honest with her, and I told her that realistically it wasn’t an option for me to have another child,” Kathi said. “After I told her, I immediately reinforced that she was a wanted pregnancy and a wanted child.”
Her daughter immediately understood her reasons behind each decision, telling her mother she loved her and didn’t want to see her struggle more.
As a nurse, it was also important to Kathi that her daughter received accurate information, so she referred to her abortion as a dilation and curettage (D and C) and explained how it’s performed. “I also told her it was a nine-week fetus, and that it had no functioning brain, heart, or ability to sense pain like her and I have,” Kathi said.
Now an adult, Kathi’s daughter is staunchly pro-choice and advocates for others to have the same choice her mother did.
“I’ve never been ashamed or regretful of either abortion. I had my reasons, my future, and my body to consider,” Kathi said.
Parents know what’s right for their own lives: They understand what pregnancy looks like, birth, and the responsibilities of parenthood more than anyone. And when they decide they want to share their abortion stories, parents are more than capable of having meaningful conversations with their children about it.
Help us Prepare for Trump’s Day One
Trump is busy getting ready for Day One of his presidency – but so is Truthout.
Trump has made it no secret that he is planning a demolition-style attack on both specific communities and democracy as a whole, beginning on his first day in office. With over 25 executive orders and directives queued up for January 20, he’s promised to “launch the largest deportation program in American history,” roll back anti-discrimination protections for transgender students, and implement a “drill, drill, drill” approach to ramp up oil and gas extraction.
Organizations like Truthout are also being threatened by legislation like HR 9495, the “nonprofit killer bill” that would allow the Treasury Secretary to declare any nonprofit a “terrorist-supporting organization” and strip its tax-exempt status without due process. Progressive media like Truthout that has courageously focused on reporting on Israel’s genocide in Gaza are in the bill’s crosshairs.
As journalists, we have a responsibility to look at hard realities and communicate them to you. We hope that you, like us, can use this information to prepare for what’s to come.
And if you feel uncertain about what to do in the face of a second Trump administration, we invite you to be an indispensable part of Truthout’s preparations.
In addition to covering the widespread onslaught of draconian policy, we’re shoring up our resources for what might come next for progressive media: bad-faith lawsuits from far-right ghouls, legislation that seeks to strip us of our ability to receive tax-deductible donations, and further throttling of our reach on social media platforms owned by Trump’s sycophants.
We’re preparing right now for Trump’s Day One: building a brave coalition of movement media; reaching out to the activists, academics, and thinkers we trust to shine a light on the inner workings of authoritarianism; and planning to use journalism as a tool to equip movements to protect the people, lands, and principles most vulnerable to Trump’s destruction.
We’re asking all of our readers to start a monthly donation or make a one-time donation – as a commitment to stand with us on day one of Trump’s presidency, and every day after that, as we produce journalism that combats authoritarianism, censorship, injustice, and misinformation. You’re an essential part of our future – please join the movement by making a tax-deductible donation today.
If you have the means to make a substantial gift, please dig deep during this critical time!
With gratitude and resolve,
Maya, Negin, Saima, and Ziggy