A Perry Tale About the Prince of Privilege

It's bedtime, children. Get on your jammies, scootch under the covers, and I'll tell you a “Perry Tale.”

In this one, Prince Rick is trying to make it to the big White House in Washington. It's a strange quest, because he calls the capital city “a seedy place,” and he tells the commoners in the land that he hates — nay, deeply loathes — the very government that he wants to head.

With his tea party hat carefully positioned atop his bounteous crop of perfectly coifed hair, Prince Rick warns the commoners that big government is bad, bad, bad — because it intrudes into their lives, forcing things like Social Security and Medicare on them.

Strangely, this prancing prince of privilege would not be where he is without the steady “intrusion” of big government into his life. From elementary school through college, his education was paid for by local, state, and federal taxpayers. Also, as cotton farmers, he and his family were supported with thousands of dollars in crop subsidies from the pockets of national taxpayers.

Then, after a brief stint as a government-paid Air Force transport pilot, the perfidious prince hit the mother lode of government largesse: political office, where he's been for 27 years and counting. In addition to drawing more than a quarter-century's worth of monthly paychecks from Texas taxpayers, Prince Rick also receives full health coverage and a generous pension from the state, plus $10,000 a month to rent a luxury home, a flock of personal aides, and even a state-paid subscription to Food & Wine magazine.

So, children, the moral of this Perry Tale is to ignore the prince's hypocritical hype. Instead, look at what he actually does. When he says he intends to make government “as inconsequential as possible,” he means in your life, not his.